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- 3. January 2009: Russian Cheerleaders?
- 29. December 2008: Children's doll says WHAT???
- 23. December 2008: The Axe that just seems like porn.
- 19. December 2008: Subscribe to the "newsletter" for freebies
- 19. December 2008: WWE Tribute to the Troops - Support THIS!
- 19. December 2008: Elf Yourself
- 18. December 2008: Winter Poem
- 18. December 2008: Sock and Awe
- 7. December 2008: Gift Monkey
- 7. December 2008: What kind of looter are you?
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Archive for the Humor Category
Elf Yourself
19. December 2008 by admin.
Ok, Office Depot has this stupid thing to make a video using your photos to “Elf Yourself.” It is actually quite good. But they charge you $4.99 if you want to download and save the video. Check it out. http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/Iz7ANA9V5OYAuiaF
Posted in Humor, General | Print | No Comments »
Winter Poem
18. December 2008 by admin.
I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it
might be a comfort to you. It was to me, and it’s
very well written.
‘WINTER’
A poem by
Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
SHIT, It’s Cold!
The End
Posted in Humor | Print | No Comments »
What kind of looter are you?
7. December 2008 by admin.
What kind of looter am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Posted in Humor, General | Print | No Comments »
Thanksgiving Divorce
12. November 2008 by admin.
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York two days before Thanksgiving and says,’I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
‘Pop, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.
We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,’ the father says.
‘We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.’
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. ‘Like heck they’re getting divorced,’ she shouts, ‘I’ll take care of this,’
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, ‘You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?’ and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. ‘Okay,’ he says, ‘they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.’
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The difference between ‘Potentially’ and ‘Realistically’
10. November 2008 by admin.
A young boy went up to his father and asked him,
‘Dad, what is the difference between ‘Potentially’ and ‘Realistically’?’
The father thought for a moment, then answered,
‘Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars .
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that.’
So the boy went to his mother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars ?’
The mother replied, ‘Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!’
The boy then went to his sister and asked, ‘Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?’
The girl replied, ‘Oh good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?’
The boy then went to his brother and asked, ‘Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?’
‘Of course,’ the brother replied. ‘Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?’
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his
dad.
His father asked him, ‘Did you find out the difference between
‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?’
The boy replied: ‘Yes. ‘Potentially,’ you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but ‘realistically,’ we’re living with two hookers and a homo.”
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New Stock Market Terms
8. October 2008 by admin.
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
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1919 Anti Drinking Poster
29. September 2008 by admin.
If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started)
and came upon the following poster . . .
. . . I mean, seriously, would you quit drinking?
Posted in Humor, General | Print | No Comments »
Fart Football
12. September 2008 by admin.
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man
passes gas and says, “Seven Points.”
His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old
man replied, “It’s fart football.”
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says “Touchdown, tie score.”
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
“Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
“Touchdown, tie score.”
Five seconds go by and shelets out a little squeaker and says,
“Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.”
Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since
defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and
accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, “What the hell was that?” The old man says, “Half
time, switch sides.”
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If condoms had sponsors…
11. September 2008 by admin.
Posted in Humor, General | Print | No Comments »